Reflections from a world traveler... or something

These kids though... the coolest 

They are everything--- pure goodness... an image of life in the most perfect sense of the word. 

Divas at the School for the Deaf

Who could resist those eyes?

Beauties 

So I have been back in the states approximately 3 days--- and it sometimes feels like so much longer and it sometimes feels like so much shorter. My mind has not stopped thinking about the trip I just came back from--- and there really is not anything I want to do as much as reminisce about my experience, fantasize about my next trip, my next move, my next important decision. The fantasy aspect is a weird one I think... I am holding on so tight to the fantasy of what I experienced, what I learned and the people I met and I don't want to move forward because I am scared I will forget how it felt to be there, who I was and am, what I learned...and go back to living a fine life... a good one; a great one, but ultimately a fine one.


People keep asking me questions like, "What was the best part" "what was the biggest mind***k" "what do you miss most" "what was the biggest thing you learned".... QUANTIFY IT! QUALIFY IT!

...Ok, so here it goes. 

WHAT WAS THE BEST PART: I cannot answer that... The best part was being able to be my authentic self and take in a ton of information and experiences without having to do anything with it...

WHAT WAS THE BIGGEST MINDF**K: The reality that I have a lot to learn... and a lot to offer. I thought I was way smarter and had things way more figured out then I actually do. The fact that I gained so much in such a short amount of time and am yearning for more is a big wake up call. There is so much to be taught, learned and achieved not only in Ghana... but in the world. It is our duty to create change.. that is, if it is important to you and apparently it is very important to me.

WHAT DO YOU MISS MOST: Surviving on my own resources and permission to be where I am at

WHAT DID YOU LEARN: That we are all traveling a journey looking for information and our next place. The world is big...much bigger then the issues that cloud my mind on a daily basis. I learned that I have a choice... I can sit back and take what I am given or I can chase experiences, knowledge, relationships and a bigger, fuller life. I also learned to ask questions and to keep it real: I don't always say the right thing but I think not speaking up keeps you scared and if there is not a question, there is not a dialogue... There were so many dialogues had between the class, the group, and individuals. I learned so much and was so inspired by my peers... and they embraced me and let me be me.... That being said, I also learned that I am much more emotional then I ever knew--- the experiences I had in Ghana opened up a channel for me and the water works started to flow, this wasn't my favorite suprise of the trip but I am cool with it... I did not know how moved I could be.. and it actually felt really good to care so much. 

WHAT IS DIFFERENT NOW: Everything ..And the thing is, people seem to be begging me for inspiration...hoping that by hearing about my journey they can take a piece of it for themselves and be inspired to jump too. And I hope I can give that gift to those who want it... its the least I can do! I keep thinking about fear-- which is something I find so interesting. Where does it come from and why is it even a thing? Everything we do serves us in some way or another-- we need fear to survive, to move forward and go to work tomorrow and do our blogs and our papers--- fear motivates us more than faith... I am sure that is not entirely true for everyone but I do think it is true for a lot of us, especially those who do not have a spiritual force guiding them in a great way. 

I feel like an ambassador for faith and knowledge... I remember Yuliya commenting a couple times to me about how she wished she could be more like me-- and I of course laugh because I wish I could be more like her. We all can learn from each other-- she wants to be more adventurous and brave and I want to be more organized and serious in my work and skillset...conventionally smarter and committed to tasks and stuff that is hard and takes work.

 AND EVEN THAT IS SO BEAUTIFUL--- THAT IS IT IN A NUTSHELLL. WE ARE ALL SO DIFFERENT AND WE ALL HAVE SO MUCH TO LEARN FROM EACHOTHER--- NOT ONE PERSON IS BETTER THAN ANOTHER AND IF WE REMAIN OPEN AND INTERESTED WE CAN SHARE OUR GIFTS WITH ONE ANOTHER AND WE CAN CONTINUE TO GROW. EVERY PERON ON MY TRIP STRETCHED MY CAPACITY FOR LIFE AND KNOWLEDGE. I ENTERED THAT TRIP NOT EXCITED TO BE IN A GROUP AND I WAS SCARED OF MY PEERS AND MY TEACHERS AND BEING ON A BIG DUMB AIR CONDITIONED BUS... AND THAT BUS CONTAINS THE MOST AMAZING MEMORIES AND LESSONS--- I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR THAT BIG DUMB BUS. 

Fear is a learned behavior, this is something I know. We are not born being scared to live and dream, that is something we are taught and I think it is moments like those I had in Africa and Madrid, and actually not even the moments... the DECISIONS I made before the moments occurred that are the only thing that combat that type of fear.  do we hold on to faith and let go of fear? How do we choose to fight for the things that leave us feeling completely fulfilled and one with the universe? How do we say yes, and figure the rest out after? How do we remain grateful, inquisitive, trusting, adventurous, passionate and compassionate. To others and to ourselves? How do we remain wide-eyed and teachable, and loving and silly and honest? It is all of these qualities, the ones that children have that I strive to nurture and hold on it... and it is so hard sometimes and its so beautiful other times. 

It is all so damn beautiful.

These questions are so real for me right now, and perhaps I am projecting onto the rest of the planet or whomever that we all just want that and perhaps it really doesn't matter cause this is my blog and my experience and my rant. *I keep thinking about the kids, and the people in Ghana... those who are so much less fortunate that I am and have so much less opportunity and resources and I think about their faces. It seemed like everyone was so happy--- smiling, welcoming, and dreaming... especially the kids. The kids melted me-- they were all so wise, and so full of love--- they just loved us and it was the best. 

My journey has just begun in terms of what I want my life to look like. This trip really blew up my brain and I feel like an alien... but that’s a good thing because I don’t want to float through life-- following the trajectory never questioning or pushing limits... especially because that is WHAT I DO. I am the girl who says what she is thinking and cries when I present on topics and speak about oppression. I felt the most whole I have in so long... and maybe ever being over there. It was therapy at its finest and its core and it was just so easy to be myself and for that I was welcomed and embraced. And for that I thank everyone who did just that. 

Don't take what anyone says as the truth--- we heard a lot of different truths and it was our job to figure out what to believe. Just because someone says it is true or real does not make it so. We are ambassadors and we are privilleged to be given the brains to put pieces together and investigate... Hard work pays off as does bravery. Try to understand your fellow man but stand up for what you believe in. Start a dialog, ask questions, challenge what you don't agree with, go out on a limb, fight back, get emotional, call bullshit, say no, say yes, learn from everyone, learn from yourself, hold on to what your gut tells you, be kind to others, be grateful, write things down, get enough sleep, forgive yourself, say thank you, respect your elders, be compassionate, have fun, say what you are thinking, take pictures, make art, laugh a lot, talk deeply, remain teachable, befriend everyone, take care of each other, keep traveling and exploring

THERE IS A WHOLE WORLD OUT THERE...go get it.